Making Cuts

Oops, so I guess I haven't updated the blog in a few days... and I was doing so well!  I do mean to update you all on my crazy thoughts daily, and I truly have no excuses as to why I didn't do it until today.  Being lazy really has been taking over my life, and I don't like it.  Sure, I love to sleep in... always have, always will.  I feel like I'm trapped in a bubble and can't break out of it.  My sleeping schedule is a disaster.  I need to remedy this situation immediately as I have a 2.5-3 hour drive ahead of myself early on Monday morning.  I'm going to have to leave here around 6am.... and it's going to be a very long day.

With each day that passes, I start to freak out a little more about my lack of income and completely upside down life right now.  It scares me, and I want it to stop.  I don't understand what I am supposed to learn from this, but I'm sure there's a hidden lesson.  I have decided to sell off handbags that I do not use in an attempt to raise money so that I can actually pay my rent.  If I can't manage to do that... I don't know what is going to happen to me.

I painted my nails a bright red today, and red nail polish does make me happy.  It's a temporary escape from reality for me though.  There's more snow in the forecast right now, and unfortunately... I don't even know if I can pay to get my snow tires put on my car right now.  I know that it shouldn't be THAT expensive... but literally, every penny counts right now.  My life would be a lot easier if I could grow a money tree just for a short time... just to pay a few bills.

The next thing to go is going to be the internet.  I am going to have to just start going to Starbucks to check my email and update my blog.  I can't really not pay my electric/gas bills or water bill for that matter... but internet, I can do without it.

My sleep schedule is completely insane.  I am sleeping horribly, and I am staying up super late... and sleeping in a lot.  Sure, is this because I am depressed? Likely.  Although, there's nothing I can do about it right now... as far as seeing someone professionally.  I don't think I need medication for it-- but I'm really sick of feeling how I feel, and I say a prayer every night that things will change for me soon.  Tomorrow is another day, so hopefully it will be a better one.

XOXO

This and That.

I woke up with a horrible headache today.  I don't understand why I have been getting headaches lately.  I seem to have worse ones when I am in my apartment vs. at my sister's place in PA.  I still had a headache in PA, but it wasn't as bad.  My best guess is that I'm dealing with a lot of stress... much of which is probably self-imposed and unnecessary... but that's really a big part of my life (unfortunately) right now.  However, it was suggested that perhaps there's a leak in carbon monoxide in my apartment-- which quite frankly scares the crap out of me!  Is that true?  Could it be possible?  I don't know.  I have two dual smoke/carbon monoxide detectors in my apartment... and I carefully stood on a backless kitchen stool today in order to reach the "test" button on the detector.  After a piercing beeping noise that probably only worsened my headache, I can say that the detector works without a problem.  So, that at least made me feel a bit of relief... knowing that I have a detector with a functioning battery.  But I just don't get it... don't understand this at all.  I slept 12 hours last night, so I should have woken up feeling spectacular, right?  Wrong.  I miss the days of waking up, feeling good, and looking forward to the day.  Maybe I'm clinically depressed... hadn't really considered the possibility before, but who knows.  It's a possibility I guess.

I also have not eaten much today and am notoriously bad at taking care of myself.  Not that I need someone to mother me, but I just do not take care of myself well enough in times like this.  I know, doctors make the very worst patients, right?  Yes, that's a true statement.  We do.  I don't really have any medications I can take because I'm not a huge believer in self medication.  I'd open a bottle of wine, but that will probably make me feel worse.

I did manage to revamp my cover letter and CV today.  Emailed the headhunters with updated copies, and I asked for new openings available in various regions of the country.  I'm not sold on the idea of moving across the country again... but I need a job.  I need to work.  It's driving me crazy right now.  I also applied to another position here in NY State.  I hope that I start hearing good news soon.  Anything is better than nothing at all.

XOXO