Winter Storm Advisory

Once again, my lovely city is under a winter storm advisory... for a projected 6-10 inches of snow over the next 36 hours.  Did I mention how NOT excited I am about this?  Upstate NY winter = no bueno.  I do love the scenery here.  In the fall, the foliage is probably some of the very best in the country... and I haven't been here in the spring yet.  Winter though... I am not a fan.  Never have been, never will be.

I'm also staying in town this weekend... for the first weekend since before Christmas.  Yep, I've been in Pennsylvania for quite a few weekends-- and I prefer it that way.  Weekends with my big sister are so relaxing and fun.  I don't even know what I'm going to do with myself.  I actually hope that I get snowed in so that I will feel better about staying home.  I need to stay home I guess... not so much for me, but more because my sister needs to relax without a visitor-- she always worries when I travel, and she needs to unwind and get her life back in order.  I should be doing the same... getting my life in order, but I don't know where to begin.  More importantly, my cat will be happy that I am here I guess.

In other news, I went grocery shopping tonight and bought lots of yummy things.  I am going to eat better in 2012 and try to take better care of myself.  I have not been doing a great job, and I just feel like a sloth.  I need to start running again, doing yoga, or doing pilates... something.  I need to feel centered again, like I'm worth something... because right now, my self esteem is so far down in the hole that I just feel like I keep sinking and will never rise above.  I know it's not healthy to think negatively, but it's my nature... I can't get myself out of this rut.  I want to break out of the rut.  I want to find an amazing job and be happy again.  I want to get caught up on life.  I want to be me again.  I miss being happy and miss being excited about life.  I was excited about everyday once... when I had a job, when I first moved here, and had you asked me a few months ago if I'd be where I am right now... I would have told you no way, no how.  I still feel like I am living a nightmare.  One never-ending nightmare that keeps repeating.  I try not to think of it that way because I'm pretty sure that mind set is part of the reason why I'm not sleeping all that well.

I still have a headache today.  I felt a little better when I was out and about doing grocery shopping.  Maybe it really is my apartment, something at my apartment that is making me feel like crap.  Oh well.  It's not that bad.

Hopefully it dumps snow on me.  I want to get 10 inches of snow.  I want it to be so high that I can't see out the windows.  If that happens, then I'll take pictures and post... especially for all of you crazy people who want snow but aren't getting it.  If I could, I'd gladly give all of it to you!

This and That.

I woke up with a horrible headache today.  I don't understand why I have been getting headaches lately.  I seem to have worse ones when I am in my apartment vs. at my sister's place in PA.  I still had a headache in PA, but it wasn't as bad.  My best guess is that I'm dealing with a lot of stress... much of which is probably self-imposed and unnecessary... but that's really a big part of my life (unfortunately) right now.  However, it was suggested that perhaps there's a leak in carbon monoxide in my apartment-- which quite frankly scares the crap out of me!  Is that true?  Could it be possible?  I don't know.  I have two dual smoke/carbon monoxide detectors in my apartment... and I carefully stood on a backless kitchen stool today in order to reach the "test" button on the detector.  After a piercing beeping noise that probably only worsened my headache, I can say that the detector works without a problem.  So, that at least made me feel a bit of relief... knowing that I have a detector with a functioning battery.  But I just don't get it... don't understand this at all.  I slept 12 hours last night, so I should have woken up feeling spectacular, right?  Wrong.  I miss the days of waking up, feeling good, and looking forward to the day.  Maybe I'm clinically depressed... hadn't really considered the possibility before, but who knows.  It's a possibility I guess.

I also have not eaten much today and am notoriously bad at taking care of myself.  Not that I need someone to mother me, but I just do not take care of myself well enough in times like this.  I know, doctors make the very worst patients, right?  Yes, that's a true statement.  We do.  I don't really have any medications I can take because I'm not a huge believer in self medication.  I'd open a bottle of wine, but that will probably make me feel worse.

I did manage to revamp my cover letter and CV today.  Emailed the headhunters with updated copies, and I asked for new openings available in various regions of the country.  I'm not sold on the idea of moving across the country again... but I need a job.  I need to work.  It's driving me crazy right now.  I also applied to another position here in NY State.  I hope that I start hearing good news soon.  Anything is better than nothing at all.

XOXO