Another week

I've been doing a bad job keeping up with the blogging this week, but it's been a busy week.  I had interviews on Monday and Tuesday.  Monday was an exhausting day.  My interview was 2.5 hours away, which means that I was awake at 5am, out the door by a little after 7, and made it on time to the interview.  I toured three hospitals, owned by one group, on Monday... and each was set up about the same.  Most of the people were very nice, but some of the the personalities were a bit cold.  Overall, the doctors were nice, but there were some things I wasn't sold on.  On Tuesday, I interviewed at a local place... and although there were many positive aspects-- such as a smaller hospital, small staff, close location (with no need to relocate), I just didn't love it.  I didn't LOVE either one really... and I couldn't picture myself going into and out of rooms.  I didn't see myself loving working there, and I want to be able to see and feel that before accepting a job.  I just can't accept a job to do it if I won't be happy... and I'm just really disappointed.  I was hoping for so much more.

I had a phone call today with another head hunting service essentially, and she is going to forward my resume to a practice in Pennsylvania.  I am also working with a few others, who have forwarded my resume to places in Louisiana and Delaware.  I also applied to a place in NC, but I haven't heard anything from them.  I totally hate applying for jobs.  Each day makes me feel shitty.

Not to mention, I have one week until my rent is due, and I probably have about $200 to my name right now.  Each night I want to cry myself to sleep, but that's not going to help matters.  I have to send out some emails tomorrow and hope that tomorrow brings me good news.  I just can't handle anything less than good news right now.  Supposedly, there are inspections going on at my apartment complex tomorrow too... and I hate being home when people enter my apartment-- so I'll go to Starbucks and try not to wallow, but it's just so easy!

Insomnia rears its ugly head... again.

It is 3:54 am... and I am still awake.  What the hell is wrong with me?!  I am really sick of not being able to sleep.  I don't want to drink a glass of wine every night or have to resort to Benadryl or Nyquil... but seriously, this is ridiculous.  I physically feel tired, even have been yawning... but it doesn't matter what I do-- I just end up laying in bed, tossing and turning, so I finally decided-- screw it, I'm getting up.  Either I'll literally stay up all night and force myself onto a normal sleep schedule tomorrow night... or I will crash and burn shortly.  At this point, I honestly don't care which event happens to me.  

I miss the time when sleep came easily.  In fact, I wish I was so physically exhausted from busting my butt at work that I would pass out when my head hit the pillow.  This was a regular way of life-- passing out when my head hit the pillow-- that is... during my intern year last year.  I'm fairly certain that it'd also be a way of life if I was doing a residency right now too-- but yeah, that obviously did not work out as planned.

I have never had trouble sleeping like this in my life.  Sure, did I ever stay awake at night for a little while? Absolutely.  Nervous before midterms or finals in vet school... nervous/terrified before my vet school interview... yeah, I can count lots of events that have kept me awake.  Right now though, I'm pretty confident that the uncertainty of what is going to happen day to day, especially financially, is what is causing me such stress and allowing sleep to pass me by.  Come back, sleep!  I miss you!  We used to have a great relationship... please come back to me.

I am in Pennsylvania this weekend (short trip, sadly) visiting my big sister... because 1) I missed her, 2) I missed the kittehs, and 3) I tend to be less stressed and more relaxed when I visit.  Despite all of the other times I have recently been down here too, I have never EVER been awake at this god forsaken awful hour.  Seriously, I wish I could cry right now... cry myself to sleep even.  That would be better!  It's been a rough week for really no good reason... and although I may be a bit nervous for my interviews next week, I should not be LOSING sleep over them-- not yet anyways.  It's not as though I've never had an interview before... I know how to conduct myself, I know the questions they will ask me... I really think the sad fact of the matter is that I have absolutely zero control over anything right now, and it's stressing me out so much that my brain is racing through a million various thoughts a minute that it is keeping me awake.  Stupid brain.

I guess, at this rate, I might as well just force myself to stay awake for a few more hours... make coffee, and go to bed at a normal time tonight (Saturday).  It has been snowing for a few hours now... not really sure when it started, maybe at 1?  There's definitely at least an inch of snow on the ground from what I can see by looking at the cars in the parking lot and on the building rooftop across the way.

I  really was hoping that typing a blog post and staring at the laptop screen would be enough to force my eyelids to collapse shut.  Obviously, not working yet.  I wish I had thought to bring workout clothes with me... because running in the snow (although freezing) is actually quite fun.  Is it necessarily the safest idea to do so at 4am?  Probably not.  But come on... it could have two possible effects: 1) it makes my adrenaline surge, pumping me up, therefore keeping me awake the remainder of the early morning hours... so that I can make coffee and get on with the day OR 2) it makes me so tired to use muscles that I haven't in months that I collapse in a pile on my air mattress and sleep.  I vote for #2, of course,... but I didn't bring running shoes or running attire with me-- not to mention, I would wake up the kittehs (and then likely big sister too) if I went outside at this hour.

It is now 4:09 am... and I hear the beeping of a truck outside, like a truck backing up.  Maybe it's a snow plow trying to clear the parking lot?  Who knows.  Hearing traffic, sirens, etc... has never bothered me before when I have been here.  Blah.  I'm at such a loss for how I feel right now, and I hate it.  Maybe crying about it is the emotional release I need to have in order to sleep?  Who knows.  I doubt I could even sleep right now if I was drunk.  As hindsight is always 20/20, I most definitely should have thought to have a beer with my chicken corn chowder that I ate for dinner.  I thought soup was a good choice for food.  It was absolutely delicious (as everything my sister makes is), and soup always makes me feel warm, comfy, and usually tired!  T-I-R-E-D!  My legs felt tired, and I was hoping that the drive down here also made me tired enough to fall asleep.... maybe not at 11, but at the very least, by midnight or 1am.  Alas, sleep has not found me... and it is now 4:14.  I hear the truck backing up again outside.  It must be a snow plow.  That's the only rational thing I can think would be outside, in close proximity at this hour of the morning.  Staring at the screen isn't helping much, but I feel a bit more tired just staring at the monitor than I did while I was staring at the ceiling in bed.  Maybe I should try reading a book on my Kindle for PC?  Sometimes that helps me get sleepy.  Although I truly don't even know if I want to sleep now.  I mean, I WANT to... but it's just going to mess me up more if I sleep hours today.  Thankfully, since it is crafts weekend, and I always wake up at "normal" times when I am in PA... I think I would wake up anyways at a normal time.  I'd likely be quite tired all day, and perhaps a bit crabby (my own fault of course)... but maybe being tired all day is what I need to go to sleep at a regular time.  Who knows.  I wish I did because then I could be sleeping the early morning hours away... rather than sitting up and blogging.  Don't get me wrong-- blogging does make me feel better.  It's essentially like my own personal journal that is public, so everyone can read about my ridiculously random thoughts... any time of any day!  Fun, right?  I actually feel badly that people waste minutes of their daily life reading about my ridiculous thoughts... but hey, it's ok.  If I can make someone laugh, or brighten someone's crappy day... then at least I've accomplished something good.

Now if someone could please share the secret on how to shut off my brain and make me sleep... preferably without prescription medication as I do not have health insurance or a physician right now, that would be ideal.

Hmm 4:21 am... less than 3 hours until sunrise.  I wonder if I'll be awake or not.

XOXO

Coffee is all I need

I could probably live on coffee... and nothing else.  There's just nothing quite like a cup of coffee with a splash of half and half.  My favorite is Keurig dark magic k-cups.  They are so yummy.  I am also rather impressed with myself that I have been awake several hours already without coffee... which is surprising since I didn't get to sleep until 4:30 am.  I almost stayed awake all night, but I guess I finally did fall asleep.

It's sunny and cold today, but at least it's not snowing.  I could take any kind of weather really... as long as it's not snowing.  I used to think that rainy weather made me feel lazy... but nope, winter snow by far takes the cake.  I'm just hopeful that the weather holds out for next Monday and Tuesday.

While browsing Facebook this morning, I am overwhelmed with a mixture of emotions for my friends.  On one hand, I have a friend who is married with young children--who just found out that her husband had an affair and has left her.  She is such a strong person, and my heart truly is breaking for her--and even more so for her kids.  She says that she can forgive him--if he will come back home and wants her forgiveness.  Honestly, I can't say I'd be able to do the same.  Granted-- yes, I am not in her situation, so it's not really fair for me to be able to make that kind of conclusion... since I clearly have not walked a day in her shoes, but it's just how I feel.  In other happier news on Facebook, one of my classmates just started a new job in Cincinnati and another one signed her contract to start working with a practice in Columbus.  I could not possibly be happier for them!  They both deserve the very best, and the practices are lucky to have them.

So as I sit here and drink my coffee, trying to stay warm, I am reflecting on the lives of others today.

XOXO

Making Cuts

Oops, so I guess I haven't updated the blog in a few days... and I was doing so well!  I do mean to update you all on my crazy thoughts daily, and I truly have no excuses as to why I didn't do it until today.  Being lazy really has been taking over my life, and I don't like it.  Sure, I love to sleep in... always have, always will.  I feel like I'm trapped in a bubble and can't break out of it.  My sleeping schedule is a disaster.  I need to remedy this situation immediately as I have a 2.5-3 hour drive ahead of myself early on Monday morning.  I'm going to have to leave here around 6am.... and it's going to be a very long day.

With each day that passes, I start to freak out a little more about my lack of income and completely upside down life right now.  It scares me, and I want it to stop.  I don't understand what I am supposed to learn from this, but I'm sure there's a hidden lesson.  I have decided to sell off handbags that I do not use in an attempt to raise money so that I can actually pay my rent.  If I can't manage to do that... I don't know what is going to happen to me.

I painted my nails a bright red today, and red nail polish does make me happy.  It's a temporary escape from reality for me though.  There's more snow in the forecast right now, and unfortunately... I don't even know if I can pay to get my snow tires put on my car right now.  I know that it shouldn't be THAT expensive... but literally, every penny counts right now.  My life would be a lot easier if I could grow a money tree just for a short time... just to pay a few bills.

The next thing to go is going to be the internet.  I am going to have to just start going to Starbucks to check my email and update my blog.  I can't really not pay my electric/gas bills or water bill for that matter... but internet, I can do without it.

My sleep schedule is completely insane.  I am sleeping horribly, and I am staying up super late... and sleeping in a lot.  Sure, is this because I am depressed? Likely.  Although, there's nothing I can do about it right now... as far as seeing someone professionally.  I don't think I need medication for it-- but I'm really sick of feeling how I feel, and I say a prayer every night that things will change for me soon.  Tomorrow is another day, so hopefully it will be a better one.

XOXO

Happy Birthday...

Today my sibling turns 25 years old.  Wow... seriously, that can only mean two things.  1) I feel old.  2) I should feel old as his birthday always starts the next cycle of 5 years between us.  Turning 30 kind of terrifies me a little, which I'm sure is an appropriate and normal reaction.  I guess I'm not where I thought I'd be at 30.  When I was a kid, I thought everyone was married with children by 30.  Key word in the previous sentence obviously is "kid."  Yes, I know that's not realistic... and quite honestly, I don't know if I'll ever marry.  Enough about me though.  This post is about my sibling.

I'm sure I haven't always been the best big sister in the world... but it's hard being the older sibling.  I've had to watch out for him since we were kids-- and even though he's grown, I still feel responsible and that I need to push him.  Could it be that this is because I'm totally OCD, golden child, type A personality, perfectionist?  Sure... all of those are probably true to some degree.  I just want to see him succeed and push himself because he can do and be anything he wants to be in the world.

I'm blessed and lucky to have grown up with such a wonderful sibling.  We definitely ganged up on my parents more than once when we were little.  We still share secrets that only siblings could share.  He now lives in another state... although with my relocation to the east coast--at least we're not quite as far from each other as we were when I was living in California.

Here are a few childhood pictures... welcome, little sib, to the QoaCC (quarter of a century club).  Now you are old.

XOXO

We go sledding...

And bake brownies together...

Hunt for Easter eggs...

Share morning smiles...

Go trick-or-treating together... as devils...

and we go on vacation.

Siblings are blessings

"We're not sisters by birth, but we've known from the start, fate brought us together to be sisters by heart." - Unknown

This quote pretty much sums it up.  I am so grateful to have been blessed in 2011 with the addition of two sisters into my life.  I always wanted a big sister, or little for that matter, when I was growing up.  

I remember being nearly 5 years old when my little brother was brought home from the hospital by my parents.  Sure, I had known that I was going to be a big sister... but I was less than amused to find out that I had gotten a brother rather than a sister.  Don't get me wrong... I love my brother.  He's amazing.  He has been through more in his almost 25 years of life than many people have.  There is certainly an unbreakable bond between siblings... so I'm glad to have someone that shares childhood memories with me.  From the food fight after Thanksgiving one year, when he smashed pumpkin pie in my hair... which then ended up all over my mom's kitchen walls to the times when we'd search the house, high and low, for Christmas presents, stealthily unwrap them carefully (by slicing through the scotch tape with a sharp kitchen knife and then carefully replacing an equally sized piece of tape over the original piece), he has always been there with me.  Another classic childhood memory is the time that I let my little temper flare up, was yelling at my brother, and got so angry at my him (for some reason I cannot remember now-- but obviously something trivial that siblings would argue over), and picked a huge pumpkin up off the TV in the basement... which I then proceeded to throw forcefully against the carpeted floor, watching as the pumpkin guts sprayed onto the carpet and countless pieces of pumpkin shell were strewn across the floor.  I remember looking up at him, half out of anger, and half out of guilt, not to mention terror/fear of what would happen next when I heard my mom's voice ring out from upstairs... "what's going on down there?"  I don't remember why he took pity on me, but my brother ended up telling my parents that he broke the pumpkin and got punished for it.  I also remember telling my brother once that it was ok to use the bathtub and trash can as alternatives to the toilet.  I truly was a rotten child.So, what I did to deserve to gain two sisters into my life is beyond me.  I feel truly blessed.  I have no idea why I deserve the care, concern, and love of two wonderful people... who even though are not related to me by blood, feel just as much like family as my brother is.  I first met my middle sister in November over Thanksgiving weekend.  She is warm, intelligent, and pretty much has the same sense of humor as I do.  I felt as though I had known her for years even though I had only known her for a matter of a few days... although I had heard about her through conversations with my big sister.  I've known my big sister for quite sometime... first through posting on a handbag forum but met her in person in July 2011 following an application for a job.  She took a chance on me... having known me from my online posts and talking a bit online and let me stay with her.  My search for a job continued into August and September, and I traveled for an interview on Labor Day weekend 2011, after which time, I went to visit my big sister.  I stayed with her for basically all of September, and during that time, I received and accepted a job offer, and realized how lucky I was to have formed such a strong, unbreakable bond with her.  For Christmas 2011, my big sister and I took a road trip together from her place to the North Country, where she grew up.  I absolutely LOVE being there.  It's such a beautiful part of New York, and of course... I got to spend time with her, my middle sister, and their dad--who is such a kind and generous soul-- makes it very easy for me to see why my sisters are both as wonderful as they are.  I loved Christmas.  It was wonderful.  I experienced my first and second trips to Vermont (Burlington, to be exact) for shopping on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day.  I also experienced my first ferry ride!  It was so much fun!  I loved the ferry and wish I could ride on one every single day.

My middle sister is essentially like a twin sister.  It's almost a bit scary to see how much we have in common.  I'm pretty sure that she and I would have joined forces quite often as children and tormented our big sister... but since we're not kids now, we just have to torment her as adults!  My middle sister is very blunt and matter-of-fact, just like me... and I do appreciate those qualities.  She wouldn't stand for my self-loathing, pity behavior as of late... telling me to suck it up, put on my big girl pants, and get another job.  She'd be right, and I know this.  

My big sister is one of the most caring, selfless, intelligent, warm, and loving individuals that I know.  She always sees the good in everyone, and she always listens to me.  She offers advice whether I want to hear it or not, which I do appreciate and need to hear.  She knows how to make me smile even when my world is turned upside down--which it has been lately.  She is nuturing and protective.  She is also an amazing cook, both of my sisters are actually... and I know that I will always eat the most delicious dishes in their presence.  I have spent so many weekends with her, nearly every weekend from Thanksgiving up through last weekend.  We drink wine, eat chocolate, cheese, salami, hard crusty breads, drink coffee, cuddle with her two kittens... content with staying home and having the company of each other, and sometimes we laugh until we cry.  Simple errands like grocery shopping are far more fun with a sister.  You can learn a lot about someone by how they fill a grocery cart-- and my big sister is no exception to that rule.  I've been to the store enough with her that I can predict what she's going to put in the cart... and she's always asking me what I like or what I will eat.  Silly sister... I will eat anything that she wants to cook!  I will never refuse to try a dish that is put in front of me... and she knows this.  She also gives the best hugs, which always make me feel warm and happy to see her.  My least favorite thing is saying goodbye to my sister after a weekend has ended.  Now I know it's not really goodbye, it's never goodbye... it's see you soon, but I still almost cry when I have to leave her.  As much as I sink into my shell some days, away from the rest of the world, sulking or wallowing in self pity (which, I know is not healthy)... she can still bring me out, reminds me that there is good in the world, and that I will get my turn-- I will get good news and deserve good things to happen to me.  She is the best, more than I deserve and could have ever asked for... and the best part is that she loves me, despite my flaws, shortcomings, and everything, plain and simple.  There is no other love like the love of a sister.  Regardless of where I go in life, how many relationships I go through, how many jobs I have, or any other curve that life throws my way... I know that I will always have her.

So... today I am grateful and blessed to have three siblings in my life.  One brother, two sisters. I wouldn't trade any of the experiences I've had in life with them for anything in the world.  I am such a lucky girl, and today I choose to remember that and be happy.

XOXO

Winter has arrived

It snowed 4.5-5 inches of snow overnight last night here... as this was very apparent when the snow came half way up my Hunter boot covered legs.  It was in the 20s today, cold, and there was ice on my car.  I scraped the car, just enough so that I could free my windshield wipers... to keep them up in the air in case more ice happens.

The winter storm warning has been extended through tomorrow morning at 7am... with a possible 2-4 additional inches of snow.  I certainly hope that doesn't happen.  I really should get my snow tires on in the near future.

Here are a few photos of the lovely snow... for those of you who are fortunate enough to live in warmer climates or have not yet joined in the winter fun!

XOXO

This lovely brook is right behind my building

Outside of my building

Love.

Winter Storm Advisory

Once again, my lovely city is under a winter storm advisory... for a projected 6-10 inches of snow over the next 36 hours.  Did I mention how NOT excited I am about this?  Upstate NY winter = no bueno.  I do love the scenery here.  In the fall, the foliage is probably some of the very best in the country... and I haven't been here in the spring yet.  Winter though... I am not a fan.  Never have been, never will be.

I'm also staying in town this weekend... for the first weekend since before Christmas.  Yep, I've been in Pennsylvania for quite a few weekends-- and I prefer it that way.  Weekends with my big sister are so relaxing and fun.  I don't even know what I'm going to do with myself.  I actually hope that I get snowed in so that I will feel better about staying home.  I need to stay home I guess... not so much for me, but more because my sister needs to relax without a visitor-- she always worries when I travel, and she needs to unwind and get her life back in order.  I should be doing the same... getting my life in order, but I don't know where to begin.  More importantly, my cat will be happy that I am here I guess.

In other news, I went grocery shopping tonight and bought lots of yummy things.  I am going to eat better in 2012 and try to take better care of myself.  I have not been doing a great job, and I just feel like a sloth.  I need to start running again, doing yoga, or doing pilates... something.  I need to feel centered again, like I'm worth something... because right now, my self esteem is so far down in the hole that I just feel like I keep sinking and will never rise above.  I know it's not healthy to think negatively, but it's my nature... I can't get myself out of this rut.  I want to break out of the rut.  I want to find an amazing job and be happy again.  I want to get caught up on life.  I want to be me again.  I miss being happy and miss being excited about life.  I was excited about everyday once... when I had a job, when I first moved here, and had you asked me a few months ago if I'd be where I am right now... I would have told you no way, no how.  I still feel like I am living a nightmare.  One never-ending nightmare that keeps repeating.  I try not to think of it that way because I'm pretty sure that mind set is part of the reason why I'm not sleeping all that well.

I still have a headache today.  I felt a little better when I was out and about doing grocery shopping.  Maybe it really is my apartment, something at my apartment that is making me feel like crap.  Oh well.  It's not that bad.

Hopefully it dumps snow on me.  I want to get 10 inches of snow.  I want it to be so high that I can't see out the windows.  If that happens, then I'll take pictures and post... especially for all of you crazy people who want snow but aren't getting it.  If I could, I'd gladly give all of it to you!

Food = happiness

Two posts in ONE day... wow!

Just because I know there are people out there who worry a great deal about me... and have probably been worrying more after reading the last two posts, I am eating.

This is dinner tonight: Chobani greek yogurt (raspberry), cheese-filled tortellini from Trader Joe's topped with vodka pasta sauce from Wegman's.  Oh yes, and a yummy multigrain roll, and perhaps a glass of red wine?  I do have a bottle that I could open.

Only down side to dinner is that I have finished off my supply of TJ's tortellini. Boo.  Anything from TJ's is as good as comfort food in my opinion.  I need to go grocery shopping tomorrow so that I can cook up some more delicious foods soon.

This and That.

I woke up with a horrible headache today.  I don't understand why I have been getting headaches lately.  I seem to have worse ones when I am in my apartment vs. at my sister's place in PA.  I still had a headache in PA, but it wasn't as bad.  My best guess is that I'm dealing with a lot of stress... much of which is probably self-imposed and unnecessary... but that's really a big part of my life (unfortunately) right now.  However, it was suggested that perhaps there's a leak in carbon monoxide in my apartment-- which quite frankly scares the crap out of me!  Is that true?  Could it be possible?  I don't know.  I have two dual smoke/carbon monoxide detectors in my apartment... and I carefully stood on a backless kitchen stool today in order to reach the "test" button on the detector.  After a piercing beeping noise that probably only worsened my headache, I can say that the detector works without a problem.  So, that at least made me feel a bit of relief... knowing that I have a detector with a functioning battery.  But I just don't get it... don't understand this at all.  I slept 12 hours last night, so I should have woken up feeling spectacular, right?  Wrong.  I miss the days of waking up, feeling good, and looking forward to the day.  Maybe I'm clinically depressed... hadn't really considered the possibility before, but who knows.  It's a possibility I guess.

I also have not eaten much today and am notoriously bad at taking care of myself.  Not that I need someone to mother me, but I just do not take care of myself well enough in times like this.  I know, doctors make the very worst patients, right?  Yes, that's a true statement.  We do.  I don't really have any medications I can take because I'm not a huge believer in self medication.  I'd open a bottle of wine, but that will probably make me feel worse.

I did manage to revamp my cover letter and CV today.  Emailed the headhunters with updated copies, and I asked for new openings available in various regions of the country.  I'm not sold on the idea of moving across the country again... but I need a job.  I need to work.  It's driving me crazy right now.  I also applied to another position here in NY State.  I hope that I start hearing good news soon.  Anything is better than nothing at all.

XOXO

Just Skip This.

I don't even know what to feel like anymore.  I feel like I am living in a hotel, like I don't actually live at my apartment or have a home... rather, I am just staying here temporarily.  I hate that feeling, which is probably why I don't particularly enjoy being in my apartment.  I loved my apartment when I had a job... when I knew I would be able to pay my rent without worries.  Now?  Not so much.  Now, I practically dread every day.  I feel more and more anxiety on a daily basis.  I have bills to pay, and more just around the corner.  It makes my head hurt and makes me nauseated just a bit to think about all of it.  I try not to dwell on it.  I try to think happier thoughts... but I haven't been too successful with that.

My cat seems to be happy though.  She's sitting beside me right now.  She has food, fresh water, and a clean litterbox... and I'm home with her-- so life couldn't be better in her world.  Her little face makes me happy most of the time, but other times... I feel like I could burst into tears looking at her.  Why?  Am I mentally unstable?  Possibly.  Sometimes I feel like I am.  All she needs is food, cuddles, and love.  I can give her all of those things... for now, until I run out of funds.

Ok, so this week I need to apply for more jobs.  I may need to just broaden the search and go anywhere... but I really don't want to move across the country again.  Of course, I also have the big problem with not being able to break my lease.  That is really a huge weight hanging over me... making me feel like I'm in jail at my apartment.  I don't know if I'd feel more like it's home if I actually had furniture or what.  I'd hope this feeling is temporary, and it probably is... but right now, I feel like my life is going nowhere.  I feel like a failure.  I feel like an intern again... only honestly, right now, I'd say I feel worse than I did as an intern.

I don't really even know why I am writing this... but I just feel blah.  I am just sick and tired of being tired of life.  I hate it, and I almost hate myself for it.  I want to be happy again.  I want to find a job that I love going to every day, and I want to help animals.  Right now though, I feel like I can't even help myself... so how can I possibly help others?  Blah.  Ok I'm done.  Really, done.  Sorry.  I hope you all didn't actually read all of my random, ridiculous blabbering.  I need to stop.  I just need to stop feeling this way.  I shouldn't be allowed to feel like this or complain about my life.  I know there are others out there who are in much worse situations than I am.  There are people who are sick, with ill loved ones, or people who don't even have a roof over their heads or food to eat.  I am going to shut up now.  I am going to be grateful for what I have and try not to feel so negative about my life... or try very hard to be a better person.

Now I'm going to go hug my cat and hope she makes me feel better.

XOXO

What's in a name?

Sparkles and Cuddles, why that name for my blog?

Sparkles = can be many things... glitter nail polish, sparkly/shiny things (i.e. Juicy Couture charms, other jewelry), sparkly MAC eyeshadow, my big sister is obsessed with sparkles/glitter and says that "everyone needs some glitter in their life"-- which I will admit, is true.  Another sparkly item... sparkle ball toys, which are the favorite toy of Izzy (one of my big sister's kittens).  So, in a sense... Sparkles = Izzy.

Cuddles... is the nickname that I have given to my big sister's other kitten, Minou.  She is a cuddle bug who loves to give hugs and purrs sooooo loudly.  I love her, and adore both of my little nieces.

How cute are they?

XOXO

Lazy Saturday

Today is January 7th, and it was 50 something odd degrees here... and did this girl take advantage of the unseasonably warm weather?  Nope.  I sat around in my PJs until 2pm!  Drank two cups of coffee, worked on some crafts, finished said crafts, showered, finally got dressed... took out the trash, and contemplated going out and about-- but then continued with my lazy trend.  The nice weather definitely makes me miss living in a warmer climate, but I try not to think about that too much... because it's not that I'm not happy living on the east coast.  I actually love living here... but I hate winter.  I've always hated winter.  I guess I did play in the snow as a kid... but since I grew up in Ohio-- where they fail at snow removal, it has given me a very negative attitude toward the fluffy white stuff that most east coasters love for recreational activities.  I have also never participated in skiing, snowboarding, etc... and my personal view on snow is that it's beautiful to look at, horrible to drive in, and is at its very best when sitting inside, sipping a nice glass of wine, cuddled by a warm fireplace.

Luckily, my big sister arrived home not too long ago... and she came bearing gifts of food to eat for both dinner and snacks.  We just ate delicious salt and vinegar chips, which are what I believe to be as addictive as crack (if I did drugs).

We also have one kitten who is "singing" for dinner already... and she is not getting fed until 6pm.  I offered her a potato chip, but she didn't seem too interested.  Oh well.  Beggars can't be choosers!

Totally random post, right?  That's what I promised when I started this blog!

Holidays 2011

So this post is a bit late, but here are photos from my holiday celebrations. I spent Christmas in upstate New York with my two lovely sisters (who I feel so fortunate to know and even luckier that they have adopted me)and had a wonderful time. Although it wasn't a White Christmas, I did get to ride a ferry for the first time ever (yep, I was pretty excited about it), went shopping in Vermont, and decorated my first REAL live Christmas tree (again, yes-- very deprived as a child. Always had artificial trees growing up).

For New Year's Eve, I traveled to Pennsylvania where I spent the weekend with my big sister and wonderful friends. There were even fireworks at midnight! The weather was beautiful, no snow, and the fireworks were so much fun. I could not have imagined spending New Year's Eve any other way.

Here are a selection of photos from my holiday fun!

A Christmas floral arrangement

 

the REAL live tree

vintage glass ornaments = beautiful

On Christmas Eve, I took my first ferry ride across Lake Champlain to Burlington, Vermont.  The lake is absolutely beautiful, and these pictures hardly do it any justice...  

Lake Champlain in the morning with mist rising off the water's surface

Lake Champlain at sunset

Another view at sunset

New Year's Eve fireworks!

Sparkly

More pics soon... XOXO

New year, new me

Welcome, and happy 2012!


I'm going to try to keep a blog... we'll see how this goes.  Stop by for my random musings, pictures of four-legged cuddly friends, and perhaps some sparkly things too.  There's really no obvious structure for what I will post about, so stay tuned.


XOXO